up and down...

tonight i went to see my dad. it was late, about 8:45 or so when i showed up. he was in his room laying in bed messing with the tv channels. i walked in and his face absolutely lit up. he was so happy to see me....this made me feel really, really good.

he wanted to go for a walk as we normally do and so we went downstairs and outside. we sat outside on the bench and talked for about an hour.

dad was so happy to see me until he finally realized that i wasn't taking him home tonight. once he realized this he was quiet and solemn. he told me he just wants to go home to fort wayne. i reassured him that i do not want him to stay there any longer that he has to, but we have to wait for the doctor to say it is ok. he told me that this makes him depressed. he feels helpless and alone.

this makes me sad.

i am not sure what it is, but i think tonight i just realized how much my dad means to me and how much i hate to see him in this condition. i know it sounds weird that i just realized this, but it just really hit me tonight. i miss my dad.